Thursday, May 19, 2011
my heavy heart.
it's 4am. i should be sleeping. for once i wish she still did 4am feedings. because i want to scoop her up in my arms and squeeze her to my chest. tears burn my eyes. i'm not usually a crier, but it's a common occurrence these days. i think about the nights in the hospital where she won't be sleeping a few feet from me. she will be hooked up to wires and monitors. my mind races trying to figure out how we can avoid this. but i know we can't. tears drip down the side of my face and hit the pillow. "God help me," so often these days this is the only prayer i can muster up. and He always does. i scoot back and cuddle as close as i possibly can to my sleeping husband. my rock. i think about the bag of goodies left on the porch by sweet friends. the emails and texts pouring in from friends and acquaintances, just to let us know we're in their thoughts and prayers. the beautiful handknit blanket made just for my sweet baby girl. the cards piling up on the table from prayer warriors. the gift card we just received from my MOPS friends.
the surgery has been moved 3 times. our current scheduled date is May 26. it has been an emotional roller coaster for us. thank you for your continued prayer and support. forgive me if i haven't responded. some days i feel like i completely shut down and go on auto pilot. however your love and thoughtfulness never goes unnoticed.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.