Thursday, May 19, 2011

my heavy heart.



it's 4am. i should be sleeping. for once i wish she still did 4am feedings. because i want to scoop her up in my arms and squeeze her to my chest. tears burn my eyes. i'm not usually a crier, but it's a common occurrence these days. i think about the nights in the hospital where she won't be sleeping a few feet from me. she will be hooked up to wires and monitors. my mind races trying to figure out how we can avoid this. but i know we can't. tears drip down the side of my face and hit the pillow. "God help me," so often these days this is the only prayer i can muster up. and He always does. i scoot back and cuddle as close as i possibly can to my sleeping husband. my rock. i think about the bag of goodies left on the porch by sweet friends. the emails and texts pouring in from friends and acquaintances, just to let us know we're in their thoughts and prayers. the beautiful handknit blanket made just for my sweet baby girl. the cards piling up on the table from prayer warriors. the gift card we just received from my MOPS friends.
the surgery has been moved 3 times. our current scheduled date is May 26. it has been an emotional roller coaster for us. thank you for your continued prayer and support. forgive me if i haven't responded. some days i feel like i completely shut down and go on auto pilot. however your love and thoughtfulness never goes unnoticed.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2

7 comments:

  1. oh marla, all of your pictures are precious. praying and more praying for your family through this. your trust, hope and faithfulness point straight to Jesus. love you guys!

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  2. we are praying for you guys and little fabs. i didn't realize about the surgery stuff until i got an email from your mom that it had been postponed...i responded telling her that in peds cardiology that happens A LOT!!! they postpone/cancel frequently. i'm happy to come see you guys while you're up there...prayers and love to you all. xoxox.

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  3. Marla I am so sorry that things have been postponed. My friends in the Cardiac Care Center are anxiously waiting to meet you guys and care for your precious little girl.

    We are praying daily for the three of you and will continue to do so.

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  4. oh marsie. you are so brave and so strong. i love you so much. and i love our little faba girl so much. xoxo

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  6. and somehow i missed this post too. we are praying for you & for fabs. wish we could be there to give you guys in person.

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  7. hang in there mama, night time is always when my mind wanders too. you and your family have lots of prayers coming your way. i hope knowing that helps lighten your load! you all are constantly in my thoughts!

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