day 4 after the surgery [day 5 in the hospital] was another heartbreaking day. our little girl was finally awake, but we could not pick her up to comfort her. she cried quite a bit and i wanted to crawl into her bed and hold her. she still had her ventilator in and it was so pitiful to see her crying with no sound behind the cry. she made big steps in weaning off the oxygen and they told us the ventilator would likely be out the next day.
day 5, as we rounded the corner into the bay the doctor announced we were just in time to see the ventilator come out. although this was an exciting accomplishment, it was heartbreaking to watch...and a rather traumatic start to the day. they counted down and the tube came out quickly, however the next moments felt like an eternity as we watched for her to take her first breaths. the nurse pounded her back, encouraging her to breath while another suctioned her mouth. she choked and gagged and let out a silent wail. they assured us she was breathing and she would be quite hoarse for a bit. they moved us from the bay to a private room, located right around the corner, still in the CPICU. it was a nice change...quieter, a couch to sit on, our own bathroom. we had another scare when her heart rate dropped while she was sleeping. the monitor alarmed and i watched the red number flashing. after nurses & doctors studied her rates, they assured us it was totally normal and she was doing fine. as i sat on the couch staring at my little trooper, i thought about how ready i was to go home. how glad i would be when this week was finally behind us. this challenged me to look for the beauty in today, to focus on something i was grateful for. that beauty is captured in the picture above. the nurse showed me that i could hold fabs on my shoulder, even with the ridiculous trail of cords, tubes and wires. it was like holding her for the first time. maybe even better. "it feels so good", i whispered to justin. me and my baby, chest to chest just 5 days after open heart surgery. later on, justin sat down to hold her and i told him he had to try putting her on his shoulder. after we twisted and twirled and tucked cords and tubes and wires, he gently lifted her to his shoulder. he let out a contented laugh. fabs snuggled into her daddy's shoulder.
and it hit me...we were all here.
and i am entirely grateful.
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16:34