today is mine.tomorrow is not my business.

..week 19..

2012-01-28T23:43:00.000-05:00

sweet baby boy...
i have been feeling fantastic. and since i've been down this pregnancy road before, i know to enjoy every day of feeling fine. there are many uncomfortable and sleepless nights ahead. so for now i am enjoying being able to bend over and put on my shoes. i am enjoying my full nights of sleep. i am enjoying having energy and [mostly] keeping up with your daddy on walks. although i can no longer button my snowpants...
we look forward to bringing you on walks and hikes and hope you enjoy the great outdoors as much as we do!

photos by baby daddy.

foodie friday! mac & cheese - southern style.

2012-01-27T19:40:00.000-05:00

by popular demand, here is the macaroni & cheese recipe i made for our gender reveal party. it took me many years to attempt real macaroni & cheese. i'm not sure why, it's one of my favorites. come to find out, it's also incredibly easy to make. my hubs has very fond memories of lots of yummy food growing up, so there's always pressure when attempting a southern style dish. this recipe comes from a cookbook passed down from my mother-in-law titled "Butter 'n Love Recipes". good start, huh? ...then again, i'm pretty sure all southern recipes include butter 'n love. this particular cookbook is a compilation of recipes from a church in south carolina, so i knew i couldn't go wrong. cause have you been to a potluck in the south? good.food.

old-time macaroni

1 box elbow macaroni
1 lb. cheese
3 eggs
1 can evaporated milk
salt
pepper
butter

boil macaroni in a medium-size pot in salted water until tender. dice cheese [i used sharp cheddar shredded]. when macaroni is done, drain. place hot noodles in a baking dish large enough to serve the purpose [a large iron skillet works great]. mix in diced up cheese. then add milk and eggs together and stir into noodles and cheese. season to taste with salt & pepper. dot the top with butter [if you watch my mother-in-law cook, there's a lot of dots] and bake at 375° until top is lightly browned.

today...

2012-01-23T11:18:00.000-05:00

i am pregnant. i am hormonal. i am exhausted. this guy loves me anyways and i am entirely grateful.

we are getting our house ready to sell. somebody please tell me how 2 people can collect so much STUFF in 6 years?!? this morning i am working on cleaning out christmas tree cakes from the cupboard...

i realized this tiny tot could sport pigtails and i could not be more excited! i giggled every time i looked at her yesterday. it's fantastic.

i am dreaming about this house.

it's a....

2012-01-20T23:29:00.000-05:00

j & i decided to have the ultrasound tech write down the gender of our baby so we could find out the gender together with our family. party on. we actually had the ultrasound tech email a friend whom we had asked to make a very special batch of cookies. cake ball stuffed chocolate chip cookies. how amazing is that for a pregnant girl?! the cake ball inside would be either pink or blue. i came across these amazing cookies here.
as i started planning the party menu, it kind of turned into my cravings menu...
fried pickles
homemade soft pretzels with jalapeño cheese sauce
sweet potato fries
fruit salad
spinach salad with gram's homemade dressing
southern style macaroni & cheese
orange creme pop

my sister made the fried pickles and soft pretzels. i'm pretty sure i've had dreams about those soft pretzels. totally amazing. commander, please make them again. tomorrow?
we tallied up the votes and it was pretty much split. j & i were both thinking girl, though we were not confident like we were with fabienne. fabs wore a blue dress to the party, so i guess she was thinking boy.

my little sister skyped in from santa barbara, which was amazing. i love this picture she captured...

aahhh! i can't believe the cake ball was blue?! i am going to have a little boy! i feel like i am still trying to wrap my mind around that. we are so excited for this little guy to join our family. he's gonna have an amazing big sister.

birth story: part deux

2012-01-13T00:09:00.000-05:00

i felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. but it wasn't in the joyous-love-at-first-sight kind of way that i had expected. instead there was fear. fear of the what-ifs. fear of the unknown. this was suppose to be one of the happiest moments of my life and i felt totally numb. my eyes scanned the room, hoping for a sign of reassurance on somebody's face. wishing that someone would tell me i was wrong.
but i already knew.
in my heart i knew.
my baby was born with Down syndrome.

her little button nose was adorable. her tiny rosebud lips were perfect. but all i saw were her eyes and i knew they were different. they were not like ours. "why are her eyes so puffy?", the only words i could muster up. even though i knew, i simply could not bring myself to say it. they told me it was from the labor and carried on with their weighing and measuring.
i looked at my husband and i knew that he knew.
my heart broke.
...for some reason i felt like i had let him down.
i heard my mom on the phone sharing the news that our sweet baby had arrived. i was totally overwhelmed. i felt like i didn't want to tell anyone that she had arrived because i knew that they would be excited and happy and all i felt was fear and despair. the nurses and midwife left the room and we were quiet. finally i broke the silence, "i just don't know about her eyes, something is different." the three of us agreed on this and when my midwife came back in the room i asked her again. finally the words came out, "your baby has some characteristics of Down syndrome, but we need to wait for your pediatrician to confirm that."
i couldn't believe this was happening.
i felt like i was looking in on someone else's story.
she said something along the lines of God has given you a beautiful baby girl. my head was spinning. i tried to nurse fabienne, but she was not having it. then they whisked my baby away saying something about needing to warm her up.
that was the last time i would hold my baby that day.
the next few hours are a bit of a blur. the pediatrician came and confirmed that she had characteristics of Down syndrome, which would be confirmed within a couple days with blood work. she was kind and encouraging, i was so glad my midwife had called her [we had planned on just using the pediatrician on call]. she was on the phone with doctors from strong hospital and mentioned things to us about echocardiograms and other things we had never heard of. we kept asking when they would bring our baby back to the room and they kept saying she just needed to warm up a little more. this was extremely frustrating.
i just wanted to hold my baby girl.

we would walk down the long hallway to the nursery, she was the only baby in there. she jumped every time the big metal door to the nursery closed. completely exhausted, i stood next to the warming bed, stroking her soft skin and leaning over for kisses. this was not how it was suppose to be. all i wanted was to be in my bed, holding a healthy baby girl. back in our room i could hear a baby crying across the hall. i wondered if the parents knew how blessed they were, to have their baby in the room with them.
and then our pediatrician came and delivered devastating news.
they wanted to transfer fabienne to the NICU at strong hospital that night and they were recommending i stay in batavia to rest and recover.
my head was spinning.
...how could i let them just take my baby?
i felt completely helpless. my body was sore. i was exhausted.
we talked things over and decided it was best to get fabienne to the NICU as soon as possible. my heart ached. more than anything, i just wanted to hold my baby and know that everything was going to be okay. very reluctantly, i agreed to spend the night in the batavia hospital. my mom and dad offered to ride to strong to make sure fabienne got settled in, which was a huge relief for me.
the neonatal transport team arrived from strong. finally they brought my tiny baby to my room. but it was only so we could say goodbye.

the worst moment of my life.
i kissed her soft cheek and handed her away.
(to be continued...i'll try to finish it in less than 3 months.) ;)

some of these words are hard for me to see on the screen. but this is real. it was an emotional day and we were scared. scared about the unknown. scared about the health of our baby. scared about the future of our baby. it is difficult emotionally to relive this day because i still feel some guilt about my initial reactions and feelings. i wish there was some way i could go back and tell myself about the tremendous joy this little girl would bring to our family. how her smile and sweet dimples would melt my heart. how she may not be the baby i expected but she is perfect in her own way. how she would teach us to be more compassionate and accepting of others. but there was a grieving process we had to go through. it was heart wrenching. it was raw. it was confusing because we had a precious baby girl and yet we were fighting an overwhelming sense of loss. we are entirely grateful for the support of family and friends in these first days as we worked through all this. a year later i can honestly say we love this little girl with everything we have.
just the way she is.

part one here

..week 18..

2012-01-10T21:10:00.000-05:00

sweet little baby...the last week before i can call you baby girl or baby boy!! we have an ultrasound friday and we are so excited to see you. we are going to have the ultrasound tech write down the gender and give it to a friend, who will be making special cookies for a party on sunday. we will have to be good and not peek! daddy and i are both leaning towards girl, although we aren't quite as confident as we were with your sister, so we will have to wait and see! i have been feeling quite well, with an occasional day of exhaustion here and there. your movements are getting bigger and stronger and i love to feel you move.

photos by baby daddy.
vintage dress from cait.

2012

2012-01-04T23:19:00.000-05:00

in 2012 i hope to::
..document more

..be content & compassionate.

..knit more

..make sure this guy knows i'm crazy about him. every single day.

..send more letters.
[please tell me you remember folding notes like this...do kids even write notes these days??]

..connect more.

..bake more bread.

..take time to be creative.

what a year...2011.

2012-01-03T14:42:00.000-05:00

one of my favorite things about blogging is the ability to look back. i've never done a good job journaling and i love that this blog holds so many wonderful memories and pictures. hopefully in 2012 i'll take time to preserve even more memories...looking back i see many months were rather sparse.
::january::
i finally got around to posting our christmas picture

i didn't take many pictures or post much because i was too busy holding this tiny bundle

i saw from the beginning that our baby girl was crazy about her daddy...just like me...

::february::
we had a lovely valentines dinner at home.

i shared what a visit to the cardiologist looks like for us.

i shared some of my worries and thoughts with her upcoming heart surgery.

::march::
we truly celebrated 03.21

::april::
shared a favorite grilled sandwich...

my ladycakes rolled over!

::may::
faba celebrates her first easter. with shiny black mary janes and the most perfect easter bonnet...

i celebrated my first mother's day.

fabienne has pre-op and surgery

::june::
more. surgery. updates.

quite possibly the best picture ever...

::july::
our first family camping trip.

a favorite breakfast.

our cloth diaper experience so far.

first father's day.

baby girl rocks her headphones at daddy's concerts.

::august::
a lovely outdoors party for one of my favorite people.

my little firecracker.

a family tragedy.

::september::
road trip of a lifetime! j and i went through these pics recently, i must share more. we traveled through 6 states, drove over 2,300 miles, visited 5 national parks in 8 days.

fall. fashion. week.
jackson hole, wyoming.
marble canyon, arizona.
bergen, new york. :)

::october::
family photo shoot at my cousin's wedding.

shared my birth story. i promise part II is sitting in my drafts, almost done...perhaps my goal for 2012 should be to finish what i start?!

::november::
my baby turned one 10.21.11! ahh. shared photos from a lovely fall party.

all the amazing desserts and cakes made by my super amazing seester.
a little announcement...

::december::
a christmas tree hunt with a little bear.

a favorite drink...nutella hot chocolate.

what a year. j and i have said that so many times about 2011. anticipation. fear. growth. tragedy. hope. death. celebration. adventure. new life. ...if there's one thing i learned this past year, it's this: there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning. God's love never fails. He makes all things work together for my good. [your love never fails, jesus culture]

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. 1 John 4:16

..week 17..

2012-01-02T20:49:00.000-05:00

sweet baby...
i can't believe i'm already 17 weeks. this pregnancy seems to be flying by. thankfully i was not nearly as sick this time around, which was a huge blessing with a busy little girl to take care of. i had nausea every day of my first trimester, but not nearly as severe as last time. also, my heightened sense of smell was not as extreme, i even let your daddy make coffee in the house. ;) unfortunately i still do not enjoy drinking coffee this pregnancy. i sure miss coffee. we had an ultrasound at 10 weeks and it was amazing to see you moving so much even though you were just an inch long! i have felt you moving for a couple weeks now and look forward to when you're big enough that your daddy can feel you move.

photos by baby daddy.
amazing vintage dress from cait.

foodie friday! nutella hot chocolate.

2011-12-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

isn't this vintage winking santa mug fantastic?! new addition this christmas season, i found a set of 4 on etsy. what's even more fantastic is the nutella steamer inside. my barista whips them up for me. no worries if you don't own an espresso machine, nutella hot chocolate is just as yummy...

nutella hot chocolate
1 cup milk
2 1/2 Tbsp nutella
1 Tbsp cocoa
tiny pinch of salt

pin it here
recipe found here

o christmas tree!

2011-12-16T15:00:00.000-05:00

so fun to have a little bear with us this year on our tree hunt. ...she's a tiny little bear, her bunting is 12 months and she's swimming in there! no snow this year, but turns out there are perks with that. usually we have to leave the tree on the porch overnight to dry off, but since it was nice & sunny we were able to bring the tree right in! we put a favorite christmas record on and j popped some popcorn on the stove. with one of his special seasonings, cinnamon chipotle - yummy. it's so cozy in here with the tree and all the lights. it's the most wonderful time of the year!

the partons' adoption auction!

2011-12-05T20:11:00.005-05:00

my mooms made this most amazing little owl hat for fab's birthday. every time she wears it, she gets compliments. you can own your very own owl hat here. plus it's for a super good cause, so you should pay two or three times as much as you normally would . ;)

also, you can find a warm and cozy neckwarmer knit by yours truly here.

score an a-mazing deal on a one hour photo session with a fabulous photographer here.

there are a ton of other handmade and amazing items. you MUST check it out.

see full list of auction items here.

one thousand gifts.

2011-12-05T13:05:00.004-05:00

in this season of giving i am reminded of the abundance that has been given to me. starting a list to remind myself of that abundance.

01.. this sweet little cakes. perhaps she wouldn't be smiling if she knew we were waiting for the flu shot. but i'm thankful for that too...good medical care.

02.. oliver's homemade peppermint ice cream with hot fudge. so so yummy.

03.. going to cut down the christmas tree with my sweet little family.

04.. my little bear in the woods. she's such a sweet baby.

05.. an impromptu dinner with my mooms. at the library. so so thankful she lives close by.

06.. my bath beanie burrito. fresh and clean. girlie loves her bath.

07.. a nutella steamer made my one true love. like a nutella hot chocolate only fancier. it's handy having a barista live with you. he's a good looking barista too.

share your 1000 gifts here...

i know someone.

2011-12-01T21:19:00.003-05:00

.. today is world AIDS day

.. 33 million people are affected with HIV/AIDS

.. 2/3 of them live in sub-saharan africa

.. every little bit helps

.. $1 provides clean drinking water for 1 person for an entire year.

.. don't put it off. give today.

"If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered." - Proverbs 21:13

i'm still here. and...

2011-11-30T22:08:00.000-05:00

so i know i have been rather absent lately. because you see...

there's this thing called pregnancy exhaustion. and i have been exhausted. however i am into my second trimester now and that means i will feel totally awesome and have endless energy. right? pleasesayyes.

foodie friday! artichoke crusted chicken.

2011-11-12T02:41:00.000-05:00

i have a new favorite pastime. that would be pinning recipes on pinterest.
this recipe is basically artichoke cheese dip baked on a chicken breast. brilliant. so easy and so yummy. and all ingredients i always have on hand. we had it with corn and baked sweet potato.

2 six-ounce chicken breasts, pounded thin
2 tbsp olive oil
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
1/3 cup grated white cheddar cheese
Salt
Pepper

Salt and pepper the chicken and then sauté each chicken breast in 1 tbsp olive oil on medium-high heat, for about 8-10 minutes, flipping once, or until the juices run clear when pierced with a fork. Set aside.

Mix together the mayonnaise, artichoke hearts and cheddar cheese until evenly distributed. Spread the mixture over the sauteed chicken breasts, and then broil at 400 degrees for about 3 minutes. Do not take your eyes off them — broiling can lead to burning faster than you can imagine. When the cheese is melted and bubbling and the tops are golden, remove and serve.

Serves 2.

recipe found here.

one.

2011-11-10T21:30:00.000-05:00

a perfect fall day.

a woodland party in the woods.

an adorable owl hat made by mimi [tanks mooms!].

a risky plan to have an outdoor party at the park. in western ny. at the end of october. it snowed 2 days later...

it was the best birthday party fab's has ever had.

eventually this little stinker figured out she could take the hat off...

the most delish and prettiest dessert table you ever did see.

..sea salt caramel cupcakes

..brooklyn blackout cupcakes

..red velvet cupcakes

..caramel apples [with real homemade caramel. i ate one of these a day for like a week.]

..caramel popcorn bars

..all made by auntie manda. she's sick in the brain. in a good way.

..totally adorable owl rocks made by uncle mike. see detail here.

we had the party at the county park, one of our favorite places. i loved the rustic pavilion. the big stone fireplace was the perfect place to nurse my tiny tot.

the cakes. the pink cake was fab's 'smash cake'. isn't it seriously beautiful?! it was seriously yummy also. and there were pink layers inside. amazing.

i LOVE this cake progression!...

fabs eyeing down the cake. those chubby little hands. love.

the perfect little dress with woodland animals also from auntie manda.

fabienne joy...

a year ago i did not realize just how much joy you would bring into our lives. your smile makes my heart smile. your dimple makes me want to squeeze you. i love the way your whole face lights up when you smile. i love that you already have so much spice and want to do things your way. you make your mommy and daddy smile every day. you fill our home with laughter. you work so hard to do things that come naturally to so many. we are so proud of you. God knew what he was doing when he gave you to us and we wouldn't have it any other way. we love you fabienne joy.

** sorry for the dramatic pause in the middle of my birth story. my tiny tot is teething and decided to stop sleeping at night, which leads to an extremely exhausted mommy. i'm working on it, cross my heart.

birth story: fabienne joy

2011-10-20T22:17:00.000-04:00

i got up to pee for about the 5th time that night. it was 3 am. when i laid back down i noticed i felt crampy. i tossed & turned for about 10 minutes and noticed i felt crampy again. i glanced at the clock. tossed & turned for another 10 minutes. crampy. glanced at the clock & grabbed my phone. i had an appointment with my midwife at 8:30 am and i thought i'd have to tell her about these early contractions. so i started keeping track. this went on for about 2 hours and i finally started to drift off to sleep between the contractions, which were still about 10 min apart. i figured they'd stop eventually. after all i was only 36 weeks. that day i became a mother. that day my life changed in ways i never expected.
my water broke around 6 am [thankfully it was just a trickle]. up to this point i had been in denial that i was in labor. the whole water breaking thing turned the denial into shock. this led to me running in and giving my sweet sleeping hubs a rather shocking wake up call (sorry friendo)... at least I let him sleep from 3am-6am while i pretended i wasn't in labor... at this point I literally had no idea what to do. apparently they go over this part at your 36 week appointment, which was scheduled for 8:30 am. eventually i was able to get ahold of my midwife and moved my appointment to 7am. when we got to the office my midwife confirmed my water broke and that i was having a baby that day. she suggested we go out for breakfast or go for a walk. when we got in the car i let j know we were going straight home to clean! i still could not believe my baby was coming NOW. we had no crib. my hospital bag wasn't packed. the house was a disaster. the nursery wasn't finished. my showers were scheduled for that weekend. and on & on. we were so. not. ready. for the next couple hours we worked on getting things in order and the contractions intensified. i frantically finished packing the hospital bag, which thankfully i had started and i had a full list on my phone. i was very happy to have the list as i would have pretty much forgotten everything in my current frazzled state. my first hard contraction sent me running to the toilet. throwing up and contracting at the same time is no fun, i don't recommend it. that was the first time i told j, maybe we should go to the hospital now. my bradley trained birthing coach looked at me and gently said, why don't we do a couple more contractions here. so i labored on. as a strong contraction came on my sweet hubs came to massage me, one of the relaxation techniques we had learned in our birthing class. i ordered him not to touch me. poor guy just had to throw weeks of training out the window. te hee (i'll gladly take those massages now, love!) he was absolutely amazing and i was so glad to have him by my side. i no longer could find any comfortable position with my contractions, so i decided to try the bathtub. i found myself loudly moaning through the hard contractions, my midwife called it my birthsong. the bathtub offered little relief as it is not a soaking tub and my big ole belly was not even under water. as i started thinking about the process that would need to ensue to get from my house to the hospital bed, i looked at j and said we need to go to the hospital now. he called our midwife to let her know we were on the way. i had a contraction in the car as i waiting for j, i wondered if the neighbor could hear me moaning my way through the contraction. i had 2 contractions on our 5 minute drive to the hospital. i had a contraction as j was signing us into the hospital and they asked if i wanted a wheelchair. i declined and they sent us right up to our room that they had ready and waiting [i was very appreciative of how quickly this went and how ready they were for us.] my midwife arrived soon after and checked me. she announced i was almost 7 cm dilated. this was extremely encouraging to hear! however, as a few more contractions came and went i wondered how much longer i could endure. the contractions were so intense i was finding it difficult to breath and was actually losing my voice from all the moaning, er my birth song. i was beginning to feel a small urge to push and i asked my midwife if it would get stronger or if i should just push. she said i would know when i was ready to push. with my next contraction i realized my body was ready to push and my mind totally was not. with my next contraction, i let out a grunt so now everyone in the room knew i was ready to push. i consider myself to be a pretty tough cookie. but with the amount of pressure & stretching that was going on, the thought of pushing terrified me. my midwife told me to push with my next contraction. the first couple pushes were a bit reserved. my midwife told me to get mad and push and that's exactly what it took. i thought rational thoughts along the lines of, well i hope she's happy when i break in half. needless to say i didn't break in half...i did have some serious tearing, but that's because fabs came flying out. my little lady arrived at 1:29pm, after about thirty minutes of pushing, and less than two hours after we arrived at the hospital. little did i know this would be the easy part of my day. my midwife lay my tiny squirming baby on my stomach. and i knew. the instant i saw her, i knew...

(to be continued...)

ten on ten

2011-10-10T11:47:00.000-04:00

one photo. every hour. ten hours.

01. morning=coffee.

02. my bedheads! wonder where she gets her hair from?

03. an orange on the table.

04. aunt jan's back porch.

05. jen's butternut squash soup. so yummy.

06. oh that dimple.

07. grass wars...all these little cousins and they chase auntie marmo.

08. broken leg pose. love my seester.

09. gram's apple crisp, aj's elderberry pie, aj's pumpkin cheesecake, mand's
pumpkin whoopie pie. i'll take one of each please and thank you.

10. love going out to aj's...a dreamy walk with my loves on a perfect fall day.

join in on the fun here:

hello pumpkin.

2011-10-08T23:34:00.000-04:00

i would love to have a pumpkin farm. true story. one of our pumpkins from last season fell off the porch and got covered by an early snow. you can only imagine my excitement when my mom pointed out the pumpkin plant sprouting up. so, i got to try my hand at pumpkin farming! sure it was only one pumpkin. but look at the size! look how nice and orange! look how lovely and round! not bad for a city pumpkin farm, eh?

fall fashion...friday.

2011-10-01T00:23:00.000-04:00

i didn't think i would have time to squeeze in a shoot today...we're out of town for my cousins wedding. however, we were able to sneak in a few pictures before the wedding. it was a perfect fall day in western ny for a wedding. you may recognize my beautiful sister, commander, as i prefer to call her. and my little brother is in town from brooklyn...love my fam!

dress: target

tights: target [i think, a couple years old]

shoes: u.o.

LadyCakes

dress: vintage from mooies

flight hat: plum bunny from zulily

thanks emery, twas a blast!

fall fashion...thursday.

2011-09-29T23:35:00.000-04:00

don't let these sunny pictures deceive...this fall day was filled with rain as evidenced by the drops on the cabbage leaves. as we were driving, this cabbage field caught my photographer's eye. usually when he gets such ideas, i'm teetering through a field in heels. today me and my wellies trudged right through the mud, well prepared. it was really quite lovely with the sun shining through the massive cabbage leaves, the raindrops glistening in the sunlight. this is an ideal fall outfit for me. a cozy sweater as soft as cashmere, jeans, and boots.

sweater: thrifted

jeans: h&m

boots: gift from my hubs

earrings: gift from my brother

LadyCakes:

sweater: vintage, gift [best sweater. ever.]

panda bumpants: i found online somewhere [?]

boots: etsy

this has been so fun, and i so appreciate all the comment love. you gals rock.

fall fashion...tuesday.

2011-09-26T23:33:00.001-04:00

apparently i'm about ruffles this fall. when we drove by this sweet dwelling on our roadtrip, my bearded mister couldn't resist a photoshoot. ...no super cute hairdo's like my little seester. just hair that's been blowing in the wind all day from the passenger seat! and an outfit comfy enough for riding and cool enough for the arizona desert.

shirt: target

jeans: u.o.

sandals: thrifted

nail polish: zoya, kelly [love this smokey grey for fall.]

earrings: handcrafted turquoise earrings from a Navajo roadside stand in AZ

on the LadyCakes...vintage seersucker romper [so LOVE this.]

alfalfa hairdo: au natural [ha!]

photos by my bearded mister.

fall fashion...sunday.

2011-09-25T02:12:00.000-04:00

the lovely emery jo is hosting another fashion week. my week is starting out on the road ...jackson, wyoming to be exact. this dress is super comfy and is button down, which provides easy access for nursing. major score.

dress...f21

tights...target

boots...gift

on the little ladycakes:

dress...baby gap [hand-me-down]

jeggings...target [pretty sure all baby girls should own a pair.]

booties...etsy

Road trip.

2011-09-17T00:15:00.001-04:00

life on the road...in the eyes of my phone...can't wait to share more photos!

"This is my Father’s world: I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His hand the wonders wrought."

ten on ten

2011-09-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

one photo. every hour. ten hours.

01. best way to start the day...coffee & my bible.

02. daddy's little helper...mowing the lawn.

03. fall flowers.

04. a morning walk. love that chubby little hand.

05. a roadside find [my hubs is the best]! the peddles are wooden!
06. on her door.

07. compost bin.

08. farm fresh eggs.

09. the dipes. when there is sun, there will be dipes in the sun!

10. uncle roger's apples. so good. hello fall.

join in on the fun here:

foodie friday!!! summer squash curry.

2011-09-09T22:46:00.000-04:00

as soon as the weather starts to cool, i am always in the mood for soup. when i came across this recipe, i knew i had to try it....i love me some curry. this was yummy. the right amount of spice and tasty. i'll be honest, i bought snap peas and totally forgot to put them in. i'm smooth like that.

2 T olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped
14 oz firm tofu, cut into 1/2" cubes

1 sweet potato, cubed
1 zucchini, cubed
1 yellow squash, cubed
1 red bell pepper, thinly sliced
1 c snap peas
2 c vegetable broth
15 oz can light coconut milk
2 T red curry paste (or to taste)
2 T soy sauce
salt, to taste
juice of 1 lime
1 c chopped basil
2 T chopped cilantro

In a large saute pan add oil and onions. Saute 3-5 minutes over medium heat, until the onions begin to soften. Add tofu and saute 8-10 minutes, stirring often, until tofu begins to brown.

Add the rest of the vegetables, broth, coconut milk, curry and soy sauce, and bring to a simmer. Cook 10-12 minutes, until the vegetables are cooked through.

Remove from heat, and season to taste with additional curry and salt. Stir in the lime juice and herbs before serving. Serves 4.

recipe modified from fresh 365.

here's to a new week...

2011-09-06T12:23:00.000-04:00

the last couple weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. here's to a new week. fall is in the air and i LOVE IT! here's to thermals and hoodies and fall adventures with my favorite person in the world...

here's to pumpkin spice muffins. [brought to me by my favorite person to bring a little cheer to a dreary week]

here's to leaves changing colors and crisp evening air...

here's to lazy evenings by the fire at mooms & pops house...

here's to uncle roger's apples and lots of apple crisp...

here's to wool socks and a hot cup of coffee...

here's to the sweetest baby there ever was, all bundled up in hoodies...

gramps.

2011-09-02T00:16:00.000-04:00

12.31.1918 - 08.31.2011

Gramps, some things I would like you to know...
...you have always shown me it's never too late to learn something new.
...the farm is busy harvesting beans, potatoes, raspberries, cherry tomatoes. (you always liked to know.)
...you have passed on an appreciation for farms and old barns.
...you have passed on an appreciation for art & music...what a treat it always was to hear you play your harmonica at family parties.
...I always let voicemail answer when you called on my birthday so I could listen to the recording again & again of you playing happy birthday on your harmonica.
...I loved the way you & grandma teased each other. You have inspired me to keep laughing as I grow old and make memories with Justin.
...I loved to hear the 'grandpa laugh'.
...you have inspired me to be a hard worker.
...we like to make fires grandpa would be proud of when we go camping! (that means a 4 foot log is always burning)
...we will take good care of grandma. She made Fabienne smile lots yesterday.
...Bingo bango grandpa I love you.

more lovely tributes to gramps here and here.

a little sunshine...

2011-08-31T16:03:00.000-04:00

today my heart is heavy. i am so thankful for this sunshine God has put in my life...

i love to see this little girl with her daddy! and that shimmy at the end...i laugh so hard i cry.

How do you get to the place of absolute freedom, where Jesus can do with you whatever he wills? Recognize that the One who holds you in the palm of his hand is greater than any force in the world. When he matters more to you than any other thing, even life itself, then you are free. ~Dennis Kinlaw
[needed this today, tanks mand.]

grandpa.

2011-08-25T23:39:00.000-04:00

this week has been an emotional roller coaster for my family...

grandpa remains in guarded condition at the hospital.
when things like this happen, you walk around in a haze. wondering how the world can just go on. wondering how i can just go on. but life goes on. and i go on. but there is a lump in my throat that never fully goes away. my heart aches. tears are only a blink away.

grandpa has already beat the odds. he continues to surprise the doctors. we continue to hold on to hope. grandma has an amazing spirit of gratefulness and hope. she continues to inspire. she continues to trust God.

from where we stand, we can't see whether it's something good or bad. all we can see is that God is sovereign and He is always good, working all things for good.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. 1 John 4:16

this week...

2011-08-25T19:49:00.000-04:00

in the eyes of my phone...

01::my little fuzzy head hiker.

02::baby girl getting her hair did.

03::mommy love.

04::homemade ice cream sammies.

05::family in disbelief. [watching news on tv about fire in hospital waiting room]

06::a sunset by the Creator.

finally fourth!

2011-08-21T21:51:00.000-04:00

the fourth of july is a 3 day ordeal for my family. full of wonderful things such as potluck & pies, make your own sundaes, fresh picked cherries, chicken bbq over the fire, campfires & fireflies. some family pictures from the fourth...

from the festival.

2011-08-18T23:07:00.000-04:00

we had a lovely time at kingdom bound festival. we listened to great music. we had a wonderful time with friends. we watched our little girl look around in wonder. we each picked a treat - i chose cotton candy, j chose kettle corn. j tried to tell me all cotton candy tastes the same. he is wrong. my fresh made cotton candy was amazing. fabs got lots of smiles with her big headphones. my little girl is a trooper. my sweet man is a rock star. i love them both to pieces.

***congratulations to michelle, an autographed cd is coming your way.

do you have your copy of alive ?! you can download it on amazon or itunes.

foodie friday!!! potato asparagus pizza

2011-08-12T10:35:00.000-04:00

so very happy to share a guest blog at yep, they are all mine. kim has a lovely home, takes great pictures and has an outlook on life that always leaves me laughing. come see a HOT day in our life...which included this amazing flatbread pizza...

6 small red potatoes

1 tablespoon olive oil

1/2 pound asparagus

2 cloves garlic

4 pieces flatbread

1 cup ricotta cheese

sea salt & fresh ground pepper

1 cup asiago cheese

pierce your potatoes with a fork, stick in the microwave for about 3 minutes. cook until just soft and cut into thin slices.

brush potatoes and asparagus with olive oil and salt & pepper to taste. toss into vegetable basket [asparagus can go straight on the grill] and cook on grill until potatoes are golden brown & crisp on both sides and asparagus is slightly softened.

spread ricotta cheese on each slice of flatbread. top with potatoes, asparagus and asiago cheese. heat on grill [low] until cheese is melted & flatbread is golden.

recipe modified from cheeky kitchen.

ten on ten

2011-08-10T17:17:00.000-04:00

one photo. every hour. ten hours.

01. playing on the kitchen floor.

02. a-dancing with the daisies.

03. a nice summer thunderstorm passed through.

04. farm fresh eggs...so much better than plain white.

05. it's a miracle i've kept this plant alive. let's be honest, it'd be a goner without j.

06. diapers in the sunshine.

07. nutella chocolate chip cookies. yum.

08. i love where i live. amazing thunderheads on my drive to mand's.

09. cookies and milk get together.

10. me [holding a tired baby], victoria, rachel, manda. cousies. love these ladies.

join in on the fun here:

party like it's 1999.

2011-08-07T00:01:00.000-04:00

my little seester hit the big 3-0. the pressure was ON. you see, this girl throws a party like no other. she's thoughtful, she's creative, she's organized, she's the best-baker-in-the-universe. so the family put our party hats on and planned not one, but TWO fabulous parties...

round 1:
massive planning.
sweeger pants [brother] takes the train home from brooklyn to attend party.
gingy [sister] plans cross country move around party.
guests are invited.
lists are attended to.
groceries are bought, food prep begins.
call comes in: commander [guest of honor] has kidney stones.

cancel surprise birthday party.

throw "going away party" for gingy to eat all aforementioned food.

the next day mand came over to say goodbye to gings and upon seeing all the leftovers said, "i can't believe you guys had all my favorite food and i wasn't here!" i tried not to cry. ;)

round 2:

success!

:: and she was totally surprised.

:: a party in the orchard.

:: edible gold stars on a tiffany blue cake.

:: in the beginning i had some difficulty trying to help my cohorts grasp my vision for the party. you see, i wanted the theme of the party to be... party! big balloons, lots of flowers, lots of color, etc. our gifts would be party related. i wanted everyone to make a garland or bunting to use to decorate and give as a gift for mand to throw future fabulous parties.

:: colorful paper straws and glass bottle drinks - all the cool kids have these at their parties, right?

:: taco dip just the way she likes it. so yummy.

:: rainbow fruit kabobs, amazing.

:: family. ♥

:: flowers picked from moom's garden.

:: vintage table cloths from cait, who was an amazing help with the details.

:: i think she can see into my soul with those sparkling baby blues.

:: four words: aunt jan's cappuccino cheesecake.

:: sweeg popped the popcorn, which was grown by a local farmer, and it was so so yummy.

:: daddy-o made these amazing pallet benches for the movie.

:: fabs put her party face on and sweegs brings on the foods.

:: could we have a better setting for a party?? thanks mooms & pops!

:: the party girl. my babycakes.

:: yummy and adorable oreo pops made by cait.

:: babycakes with cousin cait and great-gramma and mimi.

:: love gram just peaking over! aj & uncle stu.

:: nursing my sweet beebs with a grand view.

:: the beautiful birthday girl. hope we made some of your wishes come true.

:: if you happened to notice the icing between the cakes is a bit darker, well, that's what happens when you ice a cake at 1am. your cake turns out neon blue rather than that perfect shade of tiffany blue you're aiming for.

:: my beloved cake. a lot of sweat & maybe a few tears went into that cake.

:: and then the cake ended up in the field surrounded by paparazzi. and mooms decided to eat her cake in the field. i found this hilarious.

:: a movie under the willow tree.

:: babycakes loves her auntie manda.

:: rainbow. aren't we clever.

:: aren't those big round balloons fantastic?

:: it was a perfect summer night for a party. gingy & andy skyped in from santa barbara! don't worry, gings doesn't have a robot face in real life.

:: fabs wondering when the movie's gonna start.

:: seven brides for seven brothers. j picked it out. [not.] at least mand has good taste in movies! one of our all time favs. seriously, who doesn't love barn -building men who dance in rainbow shirts.

:: mommy watching movie and baby watching mommy.

:: brother and sister.

:: and it was a very good night.

photos by my right-hand man

alive!

2011-08-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

today is the day alive is released! you can download it on amazon or itunes.

so, so proud of this dreamboat...

a hard copy of the cd could be yours...

...isn't the artwork simply amazing. my dreamboat did that also.

[CLOSED}to enter to win the cd:

simply post a link on your facebook or blog sharing this oh-so-exciting news, then leave a comment below. [for example: Brothers McClurg alive! go directly to itunes. download. be happy you supported some wonderful musicians. enjoy some amazing tunes.] you can even copy & paste, i did the dirty work for you.

thanks friends.

***congratulations to michelle, an autographed cd is coming your way.

we're his biggest fans.

2011-07-31T21:58:00.000-04:00

these pictures were taken over two months ago & i can't get over how much my little peanut has grown. this sweet onesie barely snaps over her diaper now [but i love it, so i keep stretching]! her feet actually fit into these sandals now. her wispy hair is so much longer.

fabs has her headphones ready to go...j's band, brothers mcclurg, will be playing at kingdom bound festival these next couple days. we are so, so excited for the cd release august 2. matter of fact, stay tuned for a cd giveaway. woot woot.

[this blanket was knit just for my little girl. isn't it beautiful?! thanks christy's mom.]

simply the best.

2011-07-23T11:31:00.000-04:00

me: does everyone think their baby is the best, or do we really have the best baby?

j: we really have the best baby.

me: thought so.

happy weekend! stay cool. go for a swim. enjoy the summer.

he's a dad.

2011-07-21T00:01:00.000-04:00

so we're a couple days past fathers day...but i had to post these pictures...

fruit salad, obviously not for the dads... [mango is a must in fruit salad. if you ask me.] that plate of meat...for the dads.

cutest father's day cards. one for my daddy-o. one for my baby daddy.

tutorial found here. love these!

going...

gone. [crying↓]

my sweet husband...now a father...

i love him because he is an amazing father.

she loves him because she is safe in his arms.

i love him because his smile gives me butterflies.

she loves him because his playful toss gives her butterflies.

i love him because he makes me smile every day.

she loves him because he makes her smile every day.

i love him because he is handsome from the inside out...including his rugged beard.

she just loves pulling on that rugged beard.

i love him because he is a safe shoulder to cry on.

she loves him because he always knows how to calm her when she's crying.

i love him because he makes me feel beautiful.

she loves him because he sings her silly songs & tells her she's beautiful.

i love him because he works hard and provides for our family.

she loves him because he always has a hug for her when he walks in the door.

i love him because he loves the daughter God gave us.

she loves him because she knows daddy is crazy about her.

we love him because he makes our family complete.

happy first father's day love.

zulily: charlie banana!!

2011-07-20T15:07:00.000-04:00

for those who may be interested, zulily has charlie banana diapers on sale today! you can get a 6 pack for $79.99. plus, use coupon code: COUPREF3559 to receive an additional 10% off! that brings the total to just $72, a steal for diapers that are regularly $20 a piece! and yes, a tutti frutti set is totally on its way to my doorstep. don't tell the hubs.

sign up for a zulily account here!

i may be addicted: cloth diapers.

2011-07-13T23:52:00.000-04:00

when i found out i was pregnant i was immediately drawn to the idea of cloth diapering. i did some [read: a ton] research and decided cloth diapering was definitely for me. i love everything about it. well almost everything...rinsing poo off diapers isn't on the top of my list of favorite things to do. [pretty sure this officially just became a 'mom blog' cause i'm talking about poopsies.] but i do love:

... the amazing colors of cloth diapers and color coordinating diapers with outfits.

... the cloth diaper bubble butt.

... that faba has never had a diaper rash.

... that i'm not filling landfills with hundreds of disposable diapers.

... that we will save at least $1,000 compared to using disposables [including laundering costs]. great chart

our little fabs was a bit of a pip squeak, so i found that fitted diapers worked best for us in the newborn stage [which lasted a couple months as she gained weight so slowly.] my favorites were kissaluvs size 0 and thirsties size xs. my favorite covers were thirsties and the fabulous aqua cover found on etsy.

for the last few months [once she reached about 9 lbs.] my go to diaper has been my charlie banana's. i love the colors, i like that the fleece lining keeps her nice and dry. i also have some bum genius dipes with velcro and i've found that i prefer the snaps. just a personal preference thing. although it is nice to have some velcro as they seem easier for others to use [babysitters, etc.] the pocket diapers have an insert that go inside the pocket. i recently purchased some hemp inserts as i read they are trim and very absorbent... the jury is still out on those.

i have a couple wet bags for soiled diapers. i have an xl, which holds about 14 diapers. the perfect size for a couple days worth of diapers. i found my wet bags at monkey foot designs, they are extremely well made and she has great fabrics to choose from. as a matter of fact, would someone get me this one. please and thanks.

i also have a medium bag, which holds about 3 small diapers. it's the perfect size to go in the diaper bag.

my amazing mooms found these swim diapers at salva's! i have yet to use them, so i should probably go buy a kiddie pool right this minute and put them to use. especially considering it is going to be so dang hot this week.

i purchased all my diapers on sale or gently used, which has kept the expense down considerably [all my charlie banana's were 40% off!]. here are some helpful sites i have used:

http://www.diaperpin.com

http://www.jilliansdrawers.com/

http://www.diaperjungle.com/detergent-chart.html

cloth diaper bubble butt...

see, adorable!

ten on ten

2011-07-10T23:59:00.000-04:00

one photo. every hour. ten hours.

01. she's on the move! i never know where i'll find her when i leave the room for a minute, perhaps in the corner with a tupperware bowl on her head... 02. summer = flowers in the garden. 03. my girl. 04. picking berries at mooms & pops house. 05. ruffle butt & sweet little dress my mom made. 06. from the garden. 07. dill cucumbers mooms made...yummy! 08. a little snack before bed. 09. homemade berry pie with fresh picked berries... a little slice of heaven. 10. night sky on the drive home.
* photos are a tag team effort with my one and only.

join in on the fun here:

foodie friday!!! avocado egg in a blanket.

2011-07-08T11:10:00.001-04:00

ok, i just realized the last three recipes i've done have been with avocado. i promise i eat some meals without avocado. apparently not that often. this is a very easy and very yummy breakfast. it's even easier if your sweet hubs makes it for you [thanks friendo-head!].

avocado egg in a blanket...

whole wheat bread

farm fresh egg

avocado

parmesan cheese

fresh cracked pepper

yum and yum. plus it sounds cute to say egg in a blanket. happy weekend.

she's a happy camper

2011-07-07T08:24:00.001-04:00

sweet baby girl...we took you on your first camping trip to our favorite place in the world, the adirondacks. the forecast was full of thunderstorms so we cheated a bit and got a canvas tent. [the woods inn, inlet ny] it was a cute little tent and we were nice & cozy inside through some serious thunderstorms. we were happy to have somewhere to relax and contentedly listened to the rain pitter pattering on the tent. unfortunately we weren't able to hike because of the weather, but we did go on a fun adventure scouting out moose territory after hearing of a recent moose sighting. we found moose tracks and look forward to returning to scout out the moose! we had such a lovely time, wandering around town, eating at our favorite restaurants [and of course i ate two donuts], daydreaming about future trips & taking you on hikes. you are a trooper little ladycakes. as we watched the sunset over the lake, i breathed in the fresh mountain air and i thanked God for blessing us with you...we're so happy to have you on this journey of life.

photos by my mountain man who makes the best camp coffee ever. ever.!

a field. a couch. a giveaway!

2011-07-06T13:13:00.000-04:00

these photos of this fabulous little lady...

were taken during the photoshoot for this fine couple...

and now this fine couch could be in your living room...

...well, at least a print of it! check out giveaway details here:

A Field. A couch. A GIVEAWAY!

home of the brave.

2011-07-04T10:20:00.000-04:00

i have much to be thankful for this independence day.

i'm thankful for a Creator who loves unconditionally and all He has given us. i sat at my uncle's pond last night and took it all in.

..fireflies dancing among the towering dark pine trees.

..stars twinkling in the black velvet sky as we pointed out constellations.

..the tiniest sliver of a crescent moon.

..family laughing and telling stories.

..toasting smores over the fire.

..fireworks booming in the distance.

..bullfrogs calling out to each other creating the perfect soundtrack.

..my best friend at my side, my sweet baby nursing in my lap fireside.

yes i have so very much to be thankful for in this land of the free.

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.
...John Adams, in a letter to his wife Abigail

foodie friday!!! grilled pita pizza.

2011-07-01T00:46:00.000-04:00

summer = grilling out.

one of my favorite things to grill is pita pizzas. so many amazing options. so happy there are hardly any dishes to wash after grilling! so, so yummy.

a couple personal favorites...

avocado

tomato, sliced thin

sweet & tasty sauce [my fav]

crushed red pepper

fresh mozzarella

grated parmesan

fresh basil

broccoli

red bell pepper

banana pepper

ranch dressing

fresh mozzarella

cheddar cheese

grated parmesan

fresh basil

we also often use pesto rather than red sauce. the options are endless, be creative! plus i'm pretty sure food tastes better when you eat it outside...

home sweet home.

2011-06-17T02:13:00.000-04:00

can you tell we're happy to be home?! [i love this little babycakes to pieces!]

photo by babycake's daddy.

days 8-11

2011-06-17T00:27:00.000-04:00

we are home and happy to be home! i just wanted to sum up the rest of our hospital stay...
knowing that we were going to be here for the weekend, we settled in and our days were a bit more relaxed. we just need her drainage to slow enough that they can remove the tube. all her other lines and wires have been removed and it's much more comfortable to hold her and nurse her. every day, our little girl seems more like herself. more smiles. more goo-ing. more pointy fingers. we're so grateful to have a private room but baby girl does NOT sleep well here. she's up at least 4 times each night and mommy is t-i-r-e-d. one night the nurse decided to do a blood draw at 4am, so you can imagine how happy we will be to go home! j & i talk about how strange it is how life is just going on without us outside the hospital walls. we are missing birthday parties, family dinners, work, etc. it seems unfair. and then the little girl from down the hall walks by with her chest drain catcher thing [official name]. she was here before we got here and she will be here when we leave. that's not fair. and i think about the young mom in the room next to us with her baby. the entire time we were there, i never once saw a visitor. no father. no grandmother. no friends. that's not fair. there are a lot of things about life i don't understand. but i believe God has a purpose through everything that happens. i believe His love never fails. and the verse that came to me the day she was born carried me through this hospital stay... great is his faithfulness.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

day 6 & 7.

2011-06-03T14:24:00.000-04:00

day 6 brought some sunshine. the art line came out today and we were able to take our little one for her first walk since surgery. it was nice to have this little bit of normal. a little more freedom. we packed up her chest drain catcher thing [official name] and headed out to the 'deck'. it's so wonderful they have this little outdoor space for the kids and we soaked up our vitamin d. there is a narrow stiff couch in the room, which is where i slept. the night before i had planned to sleep in the room also, but headed upstairs to the ronald mcdonald house after her heart rate alarm went off for the 4th time in 2 hours. i fed her at 1am & asked the nurse to call me when she woke up. she usually sleeps through the night at home, but with the constant checks and prods throughout the night, she was up & ready to eat again at 5:45am. i was happy to get 4 hours of straight sleep and i have i mentioned how totally amazing the ronald mcdonald house is?! make sure you put your dollars in the little boxes at the mcdonalds drive thru. we have made much progress and her goals now are for her chest drainage to slow enough they can remove the tube and they are still working on getting her calcium levels where they should be

day 7 was a roller coaster day. i woke up with a very stiff neck from the lovely little blue couch. they needed to draw blood to check her calcium. previously they had been getting her blood from the art line, which was now out. they tried to draw from her central line, but had no luck. they decided to take the central line out [of her neck] and hoped to get some blood when they pulled it out. no such luck. [this was very painful to watch and lots of screaming was involved...not a nice start to the day.] her poor little neck was raw from all the tape that had been holding the line in. they also mentioned that her mt drainage was up from they day before. this was extremely frustrating to hear as this meant the drainage tube would be in for a few more days and that would put us here over the weekend. we had still been holding onto hope that we'd be home friday. i promptly texted j [he had been moved from the ronald mcdonald house upstairs to the one down the street, so he was now a 15 minute walk away rather than a flight of stairs.] this was an overwhelming morning and i needed some support. i am so blessed to have this man in my life. he was here within minutes with a cup of jamaican me crazy coffee in hand. my rock. after two attempts they finally got the blood needed from her foot. more screaming & crying involved. it's such a horribly frustrating thing to watch your baby uncomfortable and in pain, day after day. for awhile i would have to keep reminding myself that baby girl just had surgery a few days ago. she was like a little zombie and i could not get a smile out of her. i would get nervous that something was wrong and i'd never have my happy smiley baby girl back. however on day 7 after the surgery, our day got much brighter. we got our first real smiles since surgery! so, so good to see that sweet smile again. a smile that brings joy to my soul.

thank you, thank you for your continued prayers and loving comments. it's always so wonderful to read your encouraging words and i often read posts out loud to j. we appreciate you.

days 4,5.

2011-06-01T23:10:00.000-04:00

day 4 after the surgery [day 5 in the hospital] was another heartbreaking day. our little girl was finally awake, but we could not pick her up to comfort her. she cried quite a bit and i wanted to crawl into her bed and hold her. she still had her ventilator in and it was so pitiful to see her crying with no sound behind the cry. she made big steps in weaning off the oxygen and they told us the ventilator would likely be out the next day.

day 5, as we rounded the corner into the bay the doctor announced we were just in time to see the ventilator come out. although this was an exciting accomplishment, it was heartbreaking to watch...and a rather traumatic start to the day. they counted down and the tube came out quickly, however the next moments felt like an eternity as we watched for her to take her first breaths. the nurse pounded her back, encouraging her to breath while another suctioned her mouth. she choked and gagged and let out a silent wail. they assured us she was breathing and she would be quite hoarse for a bit. they moved us from the bay to a private room, located right around the corner, still in the CPICU. it was a nice change...quieter, a couch to sit on, our own bathroom. we had another scare when her heart rate dropped while she was sleeping. the monitor alarmed and i watched the red number flashing. after nurses & doctors studied her rates, they assured us it was totally normal and she was doing fine. as i sat on the couch staring at my little trooper, i thought about how ready i was to go home. how glad i would be when this week was finally behind us. this challenged me to look for the beauty in today, to focus on something i was grateful for. that beauty is captured in the picture above. the nurse showed me that i could hold fabs on my shoulder, even with the ridiculous trail of cords, tubes and wires. it was like holding her for the first time. maybe even better. "it feels so good", i whispered to justin. me and my baby, chest to chest just 5 days after open heart surgery. later on, justin sat down to hold her and i told him he had to try putting her on his shoulder. after we twisted and twirled and tucked cords and tubes and wires, he gently lifted her to his shoulder. he let out a contented laugh. fabs snuggled into her daddy's shoulder.

and it hit me...we were all here.

together.

and i am entirely grateful.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16:34

enough said.

2011-05-31T23:01:00.000-04:00

all in all i'd say it was rough day, however...

update on the last couple days to come.

day 2 & 3.

2011-05-30T14:42:00.000-04:00

day 2 after the surgery was much like day 1. lots of waiting. lots of standing next to the bed staring at our sweet baby. wishing with everything i have that i could pick her up and hold her. the surgeon determined she needed another day of rest so she remained on the paralytic for another 24 hours. baby steps. as the day wore on, they slowing started to back off some of the meds. when we went to bed they had bumped her oxygen down to 55 and we were hopeful it would be down to 50 by morning.

day 3 i woke up hopeful that we would see some real progress. my hope was crushed when we got downstairs and saw that her oxygen was back up to 60, as well as her peep having been bumped up from 5 to 7. her right lung did not look that great in the xray and they needed to work to clear that up before they tried to wean her off the oxygen. although the doctor assured us she was doing great, i couldn't help but feel we had taken a step backwards. she also had a frightening episode when her breathing tube got clogged by mucous. she started flailing and alarms started sounded. nurses rushed over and called other nurses over. doctors were called. it was cleared up within a matter of minutes, but a scary reminder of what a fragile state our little one is in. they continued to slowly wean her off meds and for the first time since surgery our little girl saw us. her eyes fluttered open and blinked as she studied our faces. her little eyebrows furrowed and i can only imagine what she must have been thinking. then she starting crying. a pitiful silent cry as her vocal chords are blocked by the ventilator. no noise came out, but i know exactly what she was saying. my heart broke as we walked away so she wouldn't get too upset. she wanted her mommy & daddy to pick her up. the nurse had to give her more sedative to calm her down as tears streamed down my face. although we are taking baby steps forward, these days are not easy. thank you for your continued prayer for a quick and healthy recovery.

day 1.

2011-05-27T23:05:00.000-04:00

i anticipated how difficult the waiting would be while she was in surgery.

...trying not to think about it too much.

...trying not to wonder if everything was going ok.

it was difficult, but i was prepared and surrounded with friends and family. however, i did not anticipate how difficult the next few days would be. standing next to my baby.

totally.

completely.

helpless.

i cannot hold her. i cannot be sure she is not in pain. i cannot be sure my voice will bring her comfort - she always acknowledges my voice, but sometimes it causes her blood pressure to rise too high. i cannot help but wonder if she hears me and wonders why i won't pick her up. the nurses tell me not to fixate on the screen, but sometimes i cannot help it. scrutinizing each jump in her blood pressure. wondering if she is uncomfortable. her numbers have been stable today but so far she seems to be progressing slowly. this morning they determined she would need to remain paralyzed for at least another 24 hours to allow her heart and lungs more time to heal and adjust. they backed down her oxygen a bit, which is promising. i miss my little girl. i miss squeezing her. i miss her smile. i miss her gooing. i miss her little pointy finger she always does.

these times of difficulty also remind me how much i have to be thankful for. i'm grateful her recovery is going well. i'm grateful for all the doctors, nurses and staff at strong, they are wonderful. i'm grateful for a husband who never leaves my side. i'm grateful for finger lakes jamaican me crazy coffee. i'm grateful for the ronald mcdonald house. i'm grateful for friends and family and encouragement and prayers. thank you for your continued prayer. ...i promise i will post a picture when she gives me the pointy finger again.

photos by my one and only.

joy comes in the morning.

2011-05-26T00:01:00.000-04:00

it's thundering out. it only seems appropriate. we had our pre-op appointment today and she was cleared for surgery. at first there was relief but as the day went on, the heaviness of what is to come set in.

my sweet ladycakes fell asleep on me this evening. chest to chest. as i felt her little heart beating against my chest i thought about tomorrow. i thought about how i didn't know when we would be able to lay chest to chest again. i decided i would hold her as long as she slept. and i soaked in every moment . she's a trooper this little ladycakes. and she's got the snoopy band-aid to prove it.

and yes, she totally wore jellies to her appointment.

her sweet little chest. today it is smooth. tomorrow it will bear a scar. pray with me that it will be a mark of restoration.

pray with me that i will see this smile even sooner than i think.

pray with me that we will see many miracles on this journey. lives touched all around us. by my sweet little ladycakes.

There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good

...Your Love Never Fails, Jesus Culture

i am a mother.

2011-05-19T01:27:00.000-04:00

my requests this first mother's day...

..a cheese sub

..sea salt & vinegar kettle cooked potato chips

..stewart's cream soda

..a picnic with my two favorite people

..a massage

[i also requested a cannoli, but southside deli was closed. seriously southside? ...mother's need cannoli's.]

j, you owe me a cannoli. just sayin.

my sunbonnet baby.

2011-05-19T01:12:00.000-04:00

there are two essentials for baby girl easter attire...

shiny black mary janes...

and an easter bonnet. of course.

this oh-so-perfect easter bonnet was made by my amazing mother.

her vintage easter frock [as my mother-in-law would call it] is from etsy.

the easter bonnet also had to have a peek-a-boo hole in the back.

my heavy heart.

2011-05-19T00:16:00.000-04:00

it's 4am. i should be sleeping. for once i wish she still did 4am feedings. because i want to scoop her up in my arms and squeeze her to my chest. tears burn my eyes. i'm not usually a crier, but it's a common occurrence these days. i think about the nights in the hospital where she won't be sleeping a few feet from me. she will be hooked up to wires and monitors. my mind races trying to figure out how we can avoid this. but i know we can't. tears drip down the side of my face and hit the pillow. "God help me," so often these days this is the only prayer i can muster up. and He always does. i scoot back and cuddle as close as i possibly can to my sleeping husband. my rock. i think about the bag of goodies left on the porch by sweet friends. the emails and texts pouring in from friends and acquaintances, just to let us know we're in their thoughts and prayers. the beautiful handknit blanket made just for my sweet baby girl. the cards piling up on the table from prayer warriors. the gift card we just received from my MOPS friends.
the surgery has been moved 3 times. our current scheduled date is May 26. it has been an emotional roller coaster for us. thank you for your continued prayer and support. forgive me if i haven't responded. some days i feel like i completely shut down and go on auto pilot. however your love and thoughtfulness never goes unnoticed.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2

hello sunshine.

2011-05-07T13:37:00.000-04:00

perhaps i'm a bit too eager for summer. perhaps after this never ending winter i'm wondering if we'll even have a summer? but i tried faba's little suit and sunhat on and icanhardlystandit! so enjoy the sunshine today. i know we will. as you can see in the above photo, fabs is heading out.

happy happy

2011-04-23T17:54:00.000-04:00

dear friendy. thirteen years ago i met you. i'm glad i did.

i picked you. i'm glad i did. i picked you because..
:: you love Christ & it shows in the way you love me and love others.
:: you make me smile every. single. day.
:: you hold my hand just right, it's like our secret handhold.
:: you're hot when you play your guitar.
:: i knew you'd be the most amazing daddy. you are.
:: i love how you always make everyone laugh.
:: when i ask how's mister beebs, you know i'm talking about our daughter.
:: you are insanely creative and talented.
:: you know just how i like my coffee.
:: you are always ready for the next adventure.
:: when i say surprise me, you always bring me the perfect treat.
:: you make my heart happy.
:: i love you.

happy birthday.

foodie friday!!!

2011-04-15T16:43:00.000-04:00

did you know april is national grilled cheese month? now you do and you're welcome. this inspired me and we had some decked out grilled cheese sammies for dinner the other night. any day that's over 49 and sunny here calls for grilling out. in my humble opinion. my manly man grilled some chicken and we made the following grilled cheese sammies:

multi grain ciabatta rolls [buttered & lightly toasted on the grill]

grilled marinated chicken

balsamic mayo [i just added a splash of balsamic to my mayo]

organic spinach

fresh mozzarella

sliced avocado

very yummy and highly recommended. for the record my manly man was art directing another shot of the sandwich [such is life when you live with a photographer]. and my camera died. so all you get is my amateur angle. also, for a wonderful vegetarian option, just substitute the chicken with grilled tofu. yummy.

:: today ::

2011-04-12T17:24:00.000-04:00

:: i walked to the post office. after i go to nyc, i'm always inspired to walk more.

:: we received this baby bjorn from our registry and it is super.

:: isn't this vintage baby bunting adorable?! thanks cait!

:: i had a frosty float and fries for lunch. healthy, i know.

:: i did zumba at mops this morning. i see what all the hype is about...way funner than walking the treadmill.

:: someone please tell spellcheck funner is a word.

:: the sky is orange from the sunset and it's beautiful. it also makes me want orange sherbet.

ten on ten

2011-04-10T17:00:00.000-04:00

one photo. every hour. ten hours.

01. first things first: steaming cup of coffee. 02. sleepy milk drunk. 03. sunshine in the nursery. 04. baby legs...i'm kind of obsessed. 05. b-fast for lunch: multigrain bagel. 06. that's my girl. 07.she loves her daddy. 08. family ♥. 09. springtime! 70 degrees people! 7-0!!! 10. dinner: grilled buffalo chicken pizza. yum. we sat on the patio at mom & dad's & watched the orange sunset and listened to peepers. bliss.

* photos are a tag team effort with my one and only.

join in on the fun here:

..week 36.. [catching up]

2011-04-09T11:26:00.000-04:00

little did i know this would be my last prego photo shoot. i was just beginning to enter the truly uncomfortable phase of pregnancy. my back was aching. my feet were swollen. my hips were sore. i couldn't really remember what it felt like to NOT be pregnant. it's funny how quickly you forget all the little things, but i did jot down a few things i was looking forward to:

..kissing j without breaking me back
..putting on socks/shoes normal

..clothes that fiiiiiiiiiiiit

..sleeping without waking up to roll

..sleeping without waking up to pee

..not feeling like i have to pee forever and always

i wish i would have done better about writing things down, but i'm grateful for the little reminders i have. i was just sharing with a friend how thankful i am for my blog. i've never done a good job at keeping a journal and it's so great to have my thoughts and pictures in one place where i can look back over the months and years. my advice: find what works for you. write it down. you'll be glad you did.

she's a roller.

2011-04-05T14:26:00.000-04:00

i lay my little ladycakes down for some tummy time this morning. i went in the kitchen to make my morning coffee. i walked back in to check on my sweets and this is what i find...

on her BACK. she's a sneaky little ladycakes...

at least she gave me the 'goo' face...i think she knows the goo face gets me every time.

saturday morning concert with dad...

2011-04-02T14:24:00.000-04:00

rock on dad.

i love that my little girl is so smitten with her daddy. totally understandable...i am too. and now, the sun is out and i must go walk in it...

out like a lion?

2011-03-24T00:12:00.000-04:00

i consider myself a pretty hardcore new yorker.
but also, sometimes enough is enough.

although i do find it rather cute to see 4 snow plows driving down the road.

3-21

2011-03-21T22:22:00.000-04:00

10-21-10

03-21-10

five [5!] months ago a little faba bean entered the world...

five months ago it was hard for me to say down syndrome without crying...

five months ago i knew our lives would never be the same...

five months later i can say the world is now brighter ...

five months later i love my girl with the bright almond eyes...

five months later i'm glad our lives are not the same.

today is down syndrome awareness day.

those with down syndrome have an extra 21st chromosome.

down syndrome is also known as trisomy 21.

we love our little girl with that extra chromosome.

my week in iphone photos

2011-03-19T12:10:00.000-04:00

my iphone holds a special place in my heart. yeah, i'm one of those people. but i love that i always have a camera in my pocket. it helps me capture the every day moments...

::night out:: mimi watched little faba for the evening and we had dinner AND coffee. it was amazing. i so love this man and long talks about life. dreaming about our future. together.

::aztek mocha:: yes that is a chile floating on top. yes it was amazing. yes i have my barista working on a recipe so i can have these on demand. yes i'm totally spoiled. yes that is a mini peanut butter pie sitting next to my mocha. yes there are 2 forks because we shared...we always share...i love that he shares with me.

::walking with daddy:: FIFTY degrees people! 5-0! spring is springing and i love it. i so enjoy the anticipation of a new season. i love living somewhere with 4 very distinct seasons. it may be a bit brown and dreary now, but rainbow socks & polk-a-dot leggings can brighten any day...

::weekly O.T.:: Faba has an occupational therapist come once a week. at first, just the idea of this was overwhelming. but her o.t. is amazing and we look forward to her visit each week. she helps fabs work on everyday activities such as holding her head up, reaching for toys, proper positioning, etc.

::baby legs:: sweet little fabs can't stop staring at her legs when she wears these. so.stinking.cute.

::cold pizza:: our boys were off doing manly things, so i spent the night with mand. we concluded our evening with a true mom's meal...cold pizza! after errands were run, children were fed, nursed, and put to bed, we finally sat down and ate. a good 2 hours after we picked up the pizza. girl talk over pizza with banana peppers & garlic butter make for a fantastic evening. [mike, i would like you to know mand killed a bug all by herself whilst you were gone. it may have taken some coaching & there may have been a minor flip out. but it was minor. and the bug is dead.]

photos edited with instagram. another iphone app that i heart.

it could be yours...

2011-03-16T20:15:00.000-04:00

see my totally adorable dress? it's from auntie manda. she always finds the cutest vintage clothes. see this totally adorable corduroy jumper...

it could be yours...you can win it here!

check out her etsy store here.

do it to it.

some friday love

2011-03-11T13:07:00.000-05:00

today i am loving...

these thank you notes on etsy.

this vintage shamrock sweater on etsy. perfect for st. pat's day!

[just writing the word shamrock made me want a shamrock shake]

this yarn in my knitting bag. i hope it will be a hat on a baby head very soon.

this little babycakes.

this pal of mine. he's the cream in my coffee.

ten on ten

2011-03-10T13:43:00.000-05:00

one photo. every hour. ten hours.

01. flat white by my barista 02. morning nap: i could eat those cheeks 03. mid-morning snack 04. baby mocs & wellies on a dreary march day 05. bright yellow flowers for a dreary day 06. three words: cadbury mini eggs 07. diaper change 08. a little james taylor 09. daddy's home 10. so good to have daddy home!

join in on the fun here:

field trip!

2011-03-07T18:12:00.000-05:00

look who went to work today!

so good to get out & do big girl things like balance checkbooks!

and i so missed my friends on the farm.

[when trying to figure out a paper jam, we discovered a mouse left a candy bar inside the copier machine...i just don't get to see things like this at home...]

..week 35..[catching up]

2011-03-05T00:51:00.000-05:00

some more never posted belly shots. little did we know faba would make her entrance less than a week after these pictures were taken. it was a lovely fall day. homemade potpies. hot spiced cider. frosted maple cookies. a walk through the apple orchards with my one & only. enjoying our last few days as a family of two.

edit: i just remembered i barely squeezed these boots on. lest i forget the joys of fat prego feet... as if it's not enough that hardly any clothes fit in the last weeks of pregnancy, your shoes may not fit either. and then there's the task of getting around that belly to pull the boots on...

photos by: baby daddy.

i find rest

2011-02-28T10:58:00.000-05:00

our sweet little trooper... [who kept trying to lick the ultrasound wand]

i put my ipod on shuffle when i jumped in the shower.

i don't think it's coincidental this song came on first...

Your faithfullness endures always
Where mountains fall and reason fails
And You calm the raging seas
And You calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in You
All I know is I find rest in You

My heart will praise throughout the night
Where singing seems a sacrifice
Your grace is all I need
Your grace is all I need

Hillsong United, Rest In You

our appointment yesterday went so well. thank you so much for all your prayers and encouragement. the love that we receive from you is overwhelming and humbling. please know that it never goes unnoticed. i planned the morning so that faba could get 2 feedings in before her cutoff at 11am. thankfully she cooperated [that girl loves her sleep - just like her mama!] i worked hard to keep her awake most of the morning and she was so sleepy once we go to the appointment, they decided not to sedate her! this was a huge relief for us. they were able to get the needed pictures with the ECHO and they will have a meeting thursday to review everything and schedule the surgery. at this point it seems the surgery will be sometime around the end of april or beginning of may. we got lots of answers and feel a bit more prepared for what is coming.

i'm so grateful i can find rest in a Creator who loves me. i find rest in knowing He has a plan for me and my family. i'm so grateful part of His plan was to bring this guy into my life...

he is my rock.

day by day.

2011-02-26T11:39:00.000-05:00

some days my biggest worry is if she will sleep long enough for me to make breakfast and wash the diapers. but other days i worry about what heart surgery will be like. if i'll be by her side when she wakes up. what the scar will be like. if we'll be able to stay in the room with her 24 hours a day. most days i can't let my mind go there. monday we have our monthly appointment with the cardiologist. this appointment will be a little different. she will have an echocardiogram. this will be the first time they have looked at her heart since she was in the NICU. we have been praying for a miracle. that her little heart would be healed and she wouldn't need surgery. we would so appreciate it if you could keep us in your prayers these next few days. pray for a miracle. pray for comfort. pray for wisdom. our sweet faba will have to be sedated for the echo and we're not looking forward to that. they want us to keep her awake and with an empty stomach before the appointment. seriously? ...this is a four month old we're dealing with. should be an interesting morning. no matter what happens we know that God is faithful and has us in His hands. we have experienced His love through friends & family in so many ways these past few months. thank you friends!

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.Psalm 121:1-2

project 365

2011-02-22T17:29:00.000-05:00

came across this app, project 365. should be fun. the real challenge...taking a picture of something other than faba every day. i never understood why people took so many pictures of their kids. and then i had one. oh.
but seriously...can you blame me...

..love is in the air..

2011-02-20T15:27:00.000-05:00

..valentine socks..

..the sweetest little valentine..

..with a pink tutu, of course..

..a homemade valentine [with humor any graphic designer would appreciate]..

..grafton classic reserve vermont cheddar..manchego sheep's milk cheese..
..sparkling grape juice..french baguette..homemade fettuccine alfredo..

..the dreamiest valentine ever..

..a lovely quiet evening at home..

..dinner wouldn't be complete without a ruffle butt on the table..

..couldn't have asked for a better day..

[thanks for the vintage linens cait!]

a perfectly chunky knit blanket.

2011-02-19T15:18:00.000-05:00

i stumbled across these photos while surfing the net. [while i should have been cleaning the house during those few precious moments my baby was sleeping.]

look at these amazing cozy blankets!
my question is, can i get needles big enough to knit one of these beauties??

cause i'm pretty sure i need one.

also, i can only think about how i would bruise my thigh on this precariously placed elk head...
also, can someone please beg this guy to give me pics...i've only been trying to get some to post for like 5 days...

pics {via}

Love Abduction

2011-02-14T11:08:00.000-05:00

Hi. This is your husband. This section of this blog on this day would normally be filled with all the great things I can say about you. Fortunately, everyone already knows how amazing you are. So I'll just remind you that I Love You and how super blessed I am to have you. Happy V Day babe. Hi everyone.

she's a trooper...

2011-02-10T22:29:00.000-05:00

our monthly cardiac check-up as we prepare for the surgery...

believe it or not, the nurses absolutely adore our little bean...

this month she was quite intrigued with the mobile...

this is what she really thinks about being here...

we love our little trooper.

today...

2011-02-03T12:22:00.000-05:00

almost every morning i eat tim tams with my coffee. nothing wrong with that, right? i bought this cup for j's stocking. and i love it. i kinda stole it. nothing wrong with that, right?

mooms got us these amazing glasses from salva's...
i love them.

this little lady is asleep on the couch next to me.
i love her.

this guy is my partner in crime. we hike through the woods together. we wash dishes together. we struggle through questions that can't be answered together. life is not always easy. but we're always together. and i love that.

..valentine beanie..

2011-02-01T16:45:00.000-05:00

little faba has been on the hunt for a new hat...
seems she's been inspired by valentines day...

mommy finds it hard to believe she's already grown
out of this sweet hat crocheted by mimi...

obviously the hat is shrinking...

he shoots me and he will shoot you too.

2011-01-28T16:10:00.000-05:00

my sweet hubs gave me a fun project.... at least i'd call it fun. you see, i love to write. not in the forming of paragraphs & ideas kind of way. just in the drawing of letters & numbers kind of way. i've always studied other people's handwriting and i'm constantly working to improve my own. there's just something about creating the perfect "a" or getting the curve in a "j" just right that gets me going. i could fill out forms all day. go ahead & say what you're thinking - weirdo. and since you already said it, i'll go ahead and share this with you as well...it always drove me crazy when teachers would write on the board with poor handwriting. and if they only partially erased the board - i could hardly stay in my seat. the tip of the "l" that had not been properly erased would drive me insane for the rest of class. and i know i'm dating myself - we had chalkboards in school. not whiteboards. not smartboards. good ole fashion chalkboards. sometimes i even got to go outside to clean the erasers, clapping them together forming chalky clouds.
anyways, back to the project...

the contact info for his site...

i may have gottten a little sidetracked...

check out his amazing work here .

baby legs.

2011-01-25T00:30:00.000-05:00

as soon as i found out we were having a girl, i knew there would be leggings.

soon her legs will be chubby enough to keep them on...

thanks auntie rae for the headband!
and thanks mooms for my lovely pillowcases.

christmas 2010 photo

2011-01-22T12:30:00.000-05:00

sometimes my photo shoots don't go quite as planned...
"i know what would be cute, let's kiss while we're holding her..."

"ok faba, smile! hurry! the timer's on! ok..."

how about the old pirate-headband-over-the-eye-look...

ok. this will work.

xo. the michau's. christmas 2010.

..baby daddy..

2011-01-20T17:26:00.000-05:00

dear fabienne...
you are so blessed to have a daddy who loves you so much..
he cried with me when they took you from us at the hospital..

he comforts you at our many trips to the doctor's office..

he clipped your nails for the 1st time when mommy was too scared to..

he helps feed you.. even sometimes by osmosis..

he sings you silly songs & holds you til you're asleep..

he has the perfect touch to put you to sleep..

he took you for your first walk when you were just 3 weeks old..

you sure love your daddy..

and i can understand.. so do i.

i'm totally crazy about your daddy..

thrifty gifty giveaway!

2011-01-18T10:09:00.000-05:00

my fabulous niece...
[she really is fabulous. look at her blog if you don't believe me...]

is having a giveaway. check it...

plus she keeps me & faba looking spiffy.
i got this dress from her...

and this one...

and this one...

ok. i better stop. cause i happen to have a lot of dresses from her. you can check out her etsy for more amazing vintage dresses. you're welcome. and you may buy me this one for valentine's day, if you so feel inclined...

mister bob.

2011-01-12T22:59:00.000-05:00

rode to gram's with mand the other day. the boys liked to 'sleep' like levi & fabienne. when we arrived home, mand told the boys to say bye to miss fabs. "bye miss fabs!", linc exclaimed. and little cai didn't miss a beat, "bye mister bobs!" haaaa! ...the boys have a bit of an issue with he & she, him & her, and apparently miss & mister as well. [and cai always calls fabs - bobbienne.] i love my sweet nephs!

speaking of mister bobs...i'm getting quite the collection of fuzzy phone pictures of my sweet, sweet babes asleep on my chest. but you see, i never, never want to forget how amazing it feels to have my little one passed out on my chest...

her perfect little lips.

her sweet little hands...

her little breaths on my chest...

her sweet little noises...

her warm little body on mine...

i love mister bob.

merry christmas!

2010-12-28T23:27:00.000-05:00

a perfect and relaxing christmas day...
...this precious little one asleep on my chest
...knitting
...warm fire
...family.

colorful christmas socks and cuddling with daddy...

cuddles by the christmas tree...
[do we ever put this child down? not really.]

diaper changes in front of the fire...

christmas kisses...

from our little family to yours...merry christmas!

just another sleepless night

2010-12-22T22:02:00.000-05:00

dr. j hard at work. fabs actually rather enjoyed this.

the night started with projectile spit up and an explosive diaper. i should've known it was not going to be a good night. fab's had a cough throughout the day that gradually got worse. i decided i would call the pediatrician first thing in the morning. then out of nowhere the cough was a very distinctive bark. "we have to go to the e.r.", i told j. after a rather lengthy registration, repeating our story 17 times to 17 people [maybe it was 3...], testing, waiting, waiting and waiting, the doctor was ready to send us home. she mentioned something about us being first time parents, blah blah blah. i started to question where this serious bark came from and my little bean let out a serious bark. "oh", the doctor stopped in her tracks. she let us know that this was definitely croup and she was glad she heard it so she knew what she was dealing with, blah blah blah. sooo, we ending up spending the night in the hospital. but we are very happy that the breathing treatments and steroid shot worked well and quickly and we are home. it's not like we sleep when we're home anyways...

today...

2010-12-15T21:48:00.000-05:00

a couple things about my today...
i love this man. i love that when i was watching him in the studio, he would check to see if i was watching him and flash that smile that won me over ten years ago. i also love that his daughter has his dimples.

timmy ho's peppermint hot cocoa by the tree.
[p.s. i tried starbucks peppermint hot cocoa... not even close]

this little girl with the hearts...she totally has my heart. i love her to pieces.

..baby wish list..

2010-12-01T17:33:00.000-05:00

faba is working on her christmas wish list.

seems like she has a thing for shoes...

faba bean.

2010-12-01T11:55:00.000-05:00

i love it that these tiny, tiny socks are knee socks for her.
my little faba bean.

oh how things have changed...

2010-11-29T23:16:00.000-05:00

justin: [in all sincerity] what are you all dressed up for?
me: [wearing jeans & an oversized sweater] i had an appointment today.

at least i get to kiss baby feet.
[i look forward to the day when my sweet baby's heel is not poked on a regular basis.]